So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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