I wish they made helmets for livers.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
