I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How does one acquire holy water?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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