I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
