I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
