Me. At least after what I've been through.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
