i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
