i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
FUCK WHALES
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
