I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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