I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
