Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
