I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
