i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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