She's JV to your varsity
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
