I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
