SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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