By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
