remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
