I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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