they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
