everyone is single if you try hard enough
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
