Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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