i think i have herpe
just one?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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