I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Boobs are out for the taking
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
