There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
