I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
