The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
