i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
