I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
