Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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