Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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