I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
