8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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