Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
