I must be too annoying 4 u.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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