You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
