there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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