If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
