Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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