Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He better not be in your backpack
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
