Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
