Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
