great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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