i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
