did you get engaged???
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
