Jerry, you need to find god
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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