I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
