for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
