chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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