i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
