if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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